Tag Archives: mother in law

The two quilts

Shortly after my Father died, my Mother in law asked if she could have some of his shirts for a quilt. I was busy feeling about a million different emotions and my brain was seriously fried from dealing with all the finances, the funeral plans and my giant burden of a Mother. So, I didn’t give the statement much thought, I simply led her into his closet and said, “take whatever you want.”

About a year later she presented me with a beautiful quilt made from my Father’s clothing. It was not only an amazing work of art but a touching tribute to his memory and a perfect portrayal of his spirit. It included many of the Hawaiian prints he often wore, as many large men do, as well as many of his drab work shirts and at home t-shirts. Every side of him was represented.

At first I couldn’t look at the quilt out in the open and I simply folded it up and put in the closet. It sat there quietly while I dealt with my grief. It waited there patiently while I figured out what I was going to do with all these emotions I was left with. Was I going to ignore them forever, drink them away, vomit them into the toilet, cut them out with a knife and discard of them or was I going to feel them as deeply as possible and know that as much as it hurts I can stand it and learn to live with it in a tolerable fashion.

One night as I swam in the oblivion of drunken exhaustion I stumbled into the hallway, opened the closet and pulled out the quilt. I crawled back to the couch, the quilt dragging along behind me and curled up with my bottle of wine. Contentment followed comfort and then deep dreamless sleep. I still snuggle with the quilt every night only now I cradle a cup of tea instead of a bottle of wine.

This morning I awoke to my dogs barking hysterically and the sound of a car pulling out of my driveway. On the front porch I found a huge blue and yellow gift bag, an early baby shower gift apparently from either an early rising shy family member or a kindhearted stalker. The card attached informed me that the gift was from a distant Aunt, a shy early rising Aunt.

I pulled the contents from the bag and found an adorable handmade quilt, blue and white with Hawaiian flowers. I couldn’t quite comprehend what I was looking at. There were shirts, little Hawaiian print shirts sewn into the squares. They had tiny collars and buttons, it was really quite realistically detailed.

It was just too crazy a coincidence. I now had two quilts that had been hand-made specifically for me, one was made from my late Fathers Hawaiian shirts and one was made to look like miniature Hawaiian shirts. One a tribute and one a welcoming gift. One filled with memories both good and bad and one brand new, open to the opportunities of life.

Maybe I am putting too much thought into the whole thing. Maybe my Aunt had this pattern for a while and was simply waiting to put it to use or maybe she had even begun working on it long before I was even pregnant. But I would like to think that my Dad had a little to do with this. After all, he told me to look out for things, to keep my eyes open for coincidences just like this because he would never be too far away.



Filed under I am Pregnant, I remember, Memories of Dad, Something that happened

A momentary lapse of judgment and the long tittied tribal woman

I recently experienced a slight interruption in my normal thinking or should I say the way that I have been accustomed to thinking for the past 25 years. I had this crazy thought that I should try to be a little less anti now that I am going to be a Mother.

I started doing something as normal as planning a goddamn baby shower. I generally avoid celebrations of any sort especially those that revolve around me.

The last time I had any sort of celebration in my honor was when my Mother in law decided to throw me a surprise party the morning after my 21st birthday. Needless to say I was not in the best mood physically or mentally. I awoke to her knocking on my door and informing me that it would be a good idea if I cleaned up the house a bit because the guests would be arriving shortly. I struggled to comprehend not only what my Mother in law was doing there but why my cousin was naked in my living room and why there was barbecue sauce all over the television.

Being the ever gracious girl that I pretend to be, I got myself together quickly and acted as cordial as possible while drowning my hang over with a bottle of Bacardi. Before I had even finished scraping the sleep from my eyes or cleaning the vomit from the toilet, I had a house full of guests and birthday cake being shoved in my face. It truly was a lovely gesture that I was neither prepared for or felt in any way deserving.

I never wanted another such event to take place in my lifetime but like I said I have been feeling a slight inclination to try to be less anti everything. So, a baby shower, it makes sense, I am pregnant after all and that is probably the most appropriate time to have such an event. And there is the awesome bonus of free shit that you don’t want to buy anyways. Why would I want to spend money on baby blankets and pacifiers when there are shoes and tweed coats out there waiting for me? God, I am really fucking selfish and vain. At least I know it, I own it and I’m good at it.

After being hounded with everyone asking me, “when is the shower?” and not a single person offering to handle the event for me (not that I would allow such a thing again) I decided to give in and plan the bitch. At first I was actually enjoying the whole process; the lists, the location and ideas for outrageous invitations. My invite list quickly reached an incredible 75 guests, co-ed of course (there isn’t anything more frightening than a room full of women). I was dead set on an adorable building in Balboa Park that happened to be available the exact weekend that I had in mind. I had already started cutting up pictures of long tittied tribal women from my collection of National Geographic magazines for the perfectly Regina made invitations.

Then things got complicated, I realized how much everything was going to cost, especially the location that I wanted. I realized that I was going to need some help and I can ask for help once but never, ever twice. I started to really think things through as myself, not the glowing mommy to be that I was pretending to be and I came to a very easy conclusion, fuck it all.

I feel better now, relieved to be rid of yet another ill-fitting mask. I’m still into the long tittied tribal women art project though, maybe I will make a collage for the kids room.


Filed under I am Pregnant, Something that happened